1. Viki Vortex and the Cumshots - oooh where do we start without being overly vulgar - ah yes - give us thy personal histories and how you came to be in the current unit. Please add the major problem of being in such close contact with other deviants?
Steve: Started off in a band in ’77 called The Spurts with most songs being sexual (we were 15 at the time). Years later, asked to be a Cumshot was a definite yes.
Viki: Years of designing porn for top shelf magazines took its toll, it seemed pretty obvious that I’d have to incorporate Cumshots in my musical endeavours. I stepped in on bass on The Spurts during their reunion gig (having never picked up a bass before) and things just erupted from there. The name came first (isn’t that always the way?) and then I grabbed things by the balls and claimed lead vocals when The Spurts blew their load.
Theo: I met Steve many years ago in another dimension called The Long Tall Texans... but contact was lost for many years. Until through fate we met again whilst skiing on the pisst!!! I fell through a Vortex, and landed on a stool in Viki + Steve's garage – Wanna join a band... 1234 countdown to a breakdown!!!!!
Close contact isn’t a problem as long as there’s a bit of latex between us.. somewhere.
2. Tell us about the thread you have adopted as regards your sonic output and how you have progressed as a band since your first expulsion. Remember the orifice opens, the waste products fall free, the colours are destined to vary!
We started off with loads of recycled tunes from ’77. But after that first rush of excitement subsided, we longed for something fresh and new. Started writing new tunes, influenced by more than just the need for sex (although that’s not waned) and alcohol. Steve is really the main songwriter but Viki and Theo get their wicks wet as often as possible. Theo has finally stuck one in (soon to be recorded), disproving that he is all muscle and no brain.
3. Describe each band member in 5 degrading and factual words apiece one of which must be grocery based?
Steve: Passed-out farty beer guzzling sponge
Viki: Bacon munching Vodka swigging cupcake
Theo: Spunky lager swilling sarcastic shitstain
4. Tell us about your local scene and how it compares to the general scene far and wide?
Local to us in Spain is rock covers and hard core crusty screamo with a bit of folky stuff thrown in to the mix. They think nothing of putting on various conflicting bands ranging from hardcore oi followed by hippie punk followed by a bit of metal pop. We’re all for variety, but sometimes its frustrating.
Saying that, we get some fantastic British and American bands popping up at the tiny venues like ex-slaughterhouses giving us the opportunity to enjoy big bands on a small scale.
5. Esmerelda Shalot has started growing onions on her mons pubis and has a field of carrots beneath her right mammary - it is all healthy stuff but the problem has now arisen that she needs to re-home a herd of Clitoroid Cattle but is desperate not to let them roam to free on her farming body. Any suggestions would be greatly received and also if you could replace your genitals with a vegetable which one would it be and for fucks sake why?
Option number 9 for Esmerelda. Bacon is a vegetable, right?
6. The ocean of noise is awash with fine talent - how do you hope to make an impression, leave your smear on the sonic wall nay force your way through the all absorbent tampon on tonality?
We’re in a unique situation being on the outside of scenes so we make our own style up. Remember us for bacon vodka, purple creepers, a melodic noise ejaculating on your ears.
7. Best, worst and most eye-opening moments of your careers thus far - spill the beans - be they baked or curried?
Best - when we all start and finish at the same time. (On stage, not in bed - get your minds out of the gutter.)
Worst - getting a really good gig offer and then finding out Theo is playing in Finland with the Long Tall Texans on the same weekend.
Eye-opening - Meeting and gigging with our idols and finding out they are, in fact, human just like us.
8. You have two buttons - 'Destroy All.......', 'Save All........' - fill in the blanks and explain why you would press them?
Destroy All Fakes: Life's too short for bullshit.
Save All Pornography: Isn't that obvious?
9. Politics and noise, religion and noise, sex and noise - opinions please?
Politics is a painful noise, religion is a stifling noise and sex is a satisfying squelchy noise.
10. Pantie Pasties - cook for 20 minutes, wait till the juices are warm and then duly digest - they seem to be all the rage in Nairobi and the people all walk around naked there - but how will these new consumable delights go down over here with numerous thong choked areas liable to damage the end product? Also - just throw in the best and worst bands you have ever seen to maintain any semblance of a music interview?
The British seem far too reserved for said juices to impregnate badly cooked pastry - they'd be a hit with crunch until the last bite.
The Muffs, The Dwarves, The Diesel Queens and TSOL got our juices flowing... Disappointments include Iggy Pop in '79 (overrated), Johnny Thunders in '83 (too drugged out) and Sigue Sigue Sputnik (miming).
11. The bands best song - the reason behind it, who wrote it and the reason it is so special to you?
'Countdown to a Breakdown' (yes, it happens to be our latest, but...) was co-written by Steve and Viki and hits home in so many ways.
12. Finally - the knickers on the bitch of noise have been removed, incredibly they are clean for once - you have first dibs at mucking them up - do it big time and force us to inhale the reasons why it would be beneficial to us to listen to yer noise and see you in the flesh. Whilst yer at it please feel free to push all websites, contact details, merch etc.
Fresh scent of Cumshots, short and sweet tunes, cumming in your face with female bollocks. Live, we'll work you into a frenzy and, if you're lucky, will leave you panting, sweaty and half naked like Theo. Check out the latest on YouTube at http://youtube.com/watch?v=A3W1EoYobWk Spunk all over our website at http://21dots.com or join the orgy on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/VikiVortexAndTheCumshots Get in touch for abuse or bookings.
The new single 'Countdown to a Breakdown' is available on iTunes at https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/countdown-to-breakdown-single/id777714139 and, will soon be out in physical format – one way or another!
But, like all good pornography, nothing compares to the real thing so play loud, support live music and get out there to expose yourself. We do.
